A few days ago I had my astrological chart done and it was a fascinating experience. My friend Linda Rose is an
Astro-Therapist and Coach, and she had suggested that I come in for a session after I revealed to her some problems I'd been having relating to a close family member.
I was slightly hesitant. It wasn't that I was a disbeliever of astrology, more that I was not an active believer. My friends
Giada and Morgan
* are rather serious about it, and they often check in with some astrology website before making big decisions, but after that website steered me wrong a few times I decided that it was bunk. I take an interest in the whole nature vs. nurture debate, but I didn't lend much credence to the idea that the position of the planets at the moment of my birth had any impact on who I turned out to be.
Well, I'm going to have to re-think that.
Linda Rose met me at her front door with a hug, a glass of water, and folder. Inside the folder was my chart, my family member's chart, and a symbol key. "Did you bring a tape recorder?" she asked me. "Some people find it hard to absorb all this information in one sitting; you'll probably want to hear it again later. If you don't have one, I can record this on cassette for you."
I actually did have a little tape recorder on me, and I'm so glad I brought it. Because what she laid down for me was more than a mouthful, a seriously intense session that has given me a lot to think about.
Much of it is too personal to share here, but I'll give you the crux. She pointed at my chart, a wheel sectioned into twelve wedges, like slices of pie. Each wedge was called a 'house', she informed me. "You see your fourth house?" She pointed at it. It was packed with symbols, or planets, I guess. "This house symbolizes family and home life. Do you see how many planets you have clustered there? More so than anywhere else on your chart. This indicates that home and family are very, very important to you."
She unearthed my family member's chart and placed it right beside mine. "Look," she said, plunking her finger down squarely in his fourth house.
"There's nothing there," I said.
"That's right," she told me. "Family is simply not that important to him. He genuinely doesn't understand your need to know him, to be close to him. He doesn't have that need within himself."
I was quiet for a moment, letting that sink in.
"Wow," I said sadly. "That...that really sucks."
She looked at me kindly. "It doesn't mean that he'll never take an interest in you," she said. "But honestly, as long as you make it known that you're always there for him, he probably won't change. Try disappearing for awhile. He's the kind of person who seeks relationships that are slightly punitive. If you're a little bit mean to him, he might take more of an interest in you."
I turned that around in my head, trying to figure out if I could do it. Or if I even wanted a relationship that was won by subterfuge.
As though reading my mind, Linda Rose grinned and said, "It's a little devious. But look. I had a relationship like that with one of my family members. For years she had no interest in me, and finally I reached a place, completely organically, where I just stopped caring. I stopped trying with her. And almost right away, she came back into my life." She leaned forward and tapped the piece of paper again. "She had a chart very much like this one here."
I stared at his chart, not really seeing it. "I don't know," I told her. "It might be too late for me then."
Linda Rose shrugged. "It might. But look, as adults we're often capable of building bridges over old relationships, and appreciating one another in new ways. He's not a fully mature person yet. Give him some time. Meanwhile, you go off and keep living your life. You've got the better chart, you know," she said, eyeing me.
"I do?"
"Sure. Look at this." Again, she gestured to the two pieces of paper laying side by side. "Even just glancing at them, not knowing anything about how to read these symbols, you can see that your chart has a greater balance. Look how his planets are all clustered to one side." I could see what she meant. Although many of my planets were congregated in the fourth house, I also had an even sprinkling throughout the rest of my chart.
"You've done an admirable job of building a solid base to your personal life," she told me. "You've figured out early what's important to you - what you
need in your life, not just what you
want, which are often not the same thing - and you've gone about pursuing those things, which is smart. So when your success comes (and I believe that it will likely come, as you've been successful in all your past lives) you'll know how to handle it. It won't topple you, because you'll already know what's important to you. And you might look around and discover, eh, this isn't all it's cracked up to be."
I was examining my hands, but listening hard. I could scarcely have asked for a more accurate description of who I wanted to be. It felt like a benediction.
"It's nice to hear you say that," I said, looking up to meet her eyes. "Because at this stage in my life, all my friends are getting married, having children, buying homes... And when I compare my life to theirs, which I've been doing a lot of lately, I seem to come up short. I know that I shouldn't compare, but I can't help it. And those are the societal measuring sticks, you know? You never hear someone say, 'You've done a great job building up a base for your personal life'. Even though I feel like it's true, that's not something that gets noticed. All I see is that I don't have a house, I don't have kids, I don't have a job..."
Linda Rose waved her hand impatiently. "Everyone is unemployed right now," she said. "But your career is not your life. It's an important part of life to some people, yes, but it is not the whole of life. You may have success," she repeated, leaning toward me, "but it won't be the most important thing in your life. Your home life, your family life, your personal relationships, are what give you the most joy. So keep building those things!" she said. "And spend money on those things. Don't feel bad about it. You want a house. In fact, I'd say that buying a home will be one of the biggest moments in your life."
I wondered if I should tell her how much time I spend fantasizing about my dream home.
"Make your home into the place that you want it to be. You're meant to work out of your home, too," she said, "just like me." She started gathering papers, shuffling them into a pile. "Look,
Errin, people are saying that this recession is almost over, that the bad times are coming to an end. I hate to tell you, but the bad time is just beginning. It's going to be here for awhile. So you have to live your life. You can't wait. Live your life now, and pursue those things that you need. That's the way to find satisfaction and peace." She snapped the papers smartly and put them back in the folder, then handed it to me.
"You're on the right path," she said.
It's been a few days since my reading, and I'm still digesting all that she told me. I have a feeling it will take me awhile to fully process it, and I'm going to have to go back and listen to that recording. But the idea, or the gift, that I'm left with, is this brand new way of looking at myself.
Is it because she told me exactly what I wanted to hear? I wondered. But no, she also told me some stuff that I didn't want to hear. I just didn't write much about it here.
I think I feel stronger. And more confident in myself, in whatever inner guide has been leading me down the right path all this time. To hear my life's needs articulated was kind of a revelation, and to be encouraged to pursue those needs, to actually be told that my job is to satisfy those needs, is slightly shocking. I mean, I've always been of the belief that we need to make ourselves happy in order to do our best work in the world, but rarely are we encouraged to do it. And, as Linda Rose pointed out multiple times in the course of my reading, so many people have confused what they
want with what they
need. A lot of us are walking the wrong path.
One thing that I do know for sure is that I have a brand new respect for astrology. And if you're curious about your own life path, I highly recommend Linda Rose. You can email her at
rose@lindaroseastrology.com. She does telephone readings, too.
So go, follow your moon, not your sun! Or wait, follow your North Node, that's the one. Or maybe it's the South Node. Crap. I don't remember.
Well, go follow something, but consult a professional before you do it.
*Names were changed in a previous post.
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